Not This Month

BFN.

We were so sure that this was our month. I was afraid of a bfn but I really didn't think it would happen. 

I'm not sure why I'm SO discouraged by this. It was only our first try after the miscarriage. But I really just thought that this was our month. I'm finally ovulating, which was the problem before. So I kind of hoped that I'd be one of those people that could get pregnant on my first try after a miscarriage. But that's not the case.

It's also really hard because what would have been Matthew's due date is Sept 17. I prayed SO hard that I'd be pregnant by then. I know that day is going to be hard but knowing that I was pregnant again would make it at least a little easier.

After we were given the go ahead to start trying again, we were told we could start on meds or try it naturally for awhile. This month we tried naturally. I wanted to say my body could do it on it's own. And maybe it still can but how much longer is it going to take? My cycles aren't the 28 day cycles. They're kinda long. So each cycle that fails takes that much more time away.

I called my RE today about getting a plan started for going forward.  I think he told me before that I'd be going on Femara and maybe a shot (not sure which one) to start with. I'm waiting for his nurse to call back so we'll see what they say about going forward.

I know it's AF's emotions and I'll be fine either later today or in the next day or so. I'm just really disappointed right now. It's so great to have a hubby and Twitter/blog friends who understand and let me mope for a bit. I'm glad no one was at work when I got in because I definitely had a cry fest for a minute. Hopefully this day goes by fast.

Two Week Wait

I'm now halfway through my first two week wait in about 9 months. It sucks!

I try so hard not to dwell on all of the little symptoms. But as you all know it's SO hard not to! Am I tired because there's a baby growing in me or because I got like 4 hours of sleep Sunday night and it threw me off for the rest of the week? Is it because AF is on her way that I'm having so many food cravings, baby, or just random? Then there's the dreams. The day I ovulated I had a dream that I had a baby, actually saw HER face and knew her name. I've never had such a detailed dream about a baby. Is that a sign or a coincidence? Since then, I've had at least 3 nursing dreams. The last time I had nursing dreams was when I was pregnant. Coincidence?

One day I'm convinced I'm pregnant. The next day I'm convinced I'm not. Why do I think SO much about all of this? Why can't I just turn off my brain for once?

One more week of this......

Wordless Wednesday - Finally a +OPK!!!

Now my fingers are crossed!!!