Next Steps

I haven't written much at all since November. I feel bad, but a break has been good. Plus, there hasn't been much to write about since then. We took the month of December off and then my body thought I was taking the month of January off as well because AF just wouldn't come. Then February I was forced to take a month off because of a cyst. Now it's March and I still have to take a month off to let my body heal from the laparoscopy. It's been nice to have a little mental break from all that comes with trying to get pregnant. But I hate having to wait.

The laparoscopy went really well. I don't feel like my recovery was that bad. Sure the day or two after wasn't fun but I expected that. My biggest complaint was the gas pains in my shoulder and not being able to wear anything but stretchy pants because my lower incision was tender.

Last week we had our post-op appointment and it went really well. My doctor is really hopeful for us. He got rid of my endometriosis, got rid of a few cysts, and fixed my uterus. He had given me a dvd of the surgery and it was really cool! He showed me my uterus, what was wrong with it, and then showed how he fixed it. It really helped me to understand what was going on. Basically, I had a section of my uterus that had a septum which has no blood flow. So he used scissors to snip away at it until he could see the blood start to flow. The reason why this is important is if a baby tried to implant there, it wouldn't get any blood flow and it would die. Thank goodness he was able to fix it!

When we were given our options back in January, he told us either IVF or a laparoscopy and injectibles. This time he told us that he really wants to give Clomid and Ovidrel with IUIs a couple more tries. He doesn't want to use injectibles because of the risk of multiples for my body. So that's the plan. Once AF comes we will proceed!

As much as I want a baby, I'm nervous about getting started ttc again. I'm not sure that I'm ready for the emotional (and hormonal) roller-coaster that goes along with it. But oh well, this time I'm going in with a little more hope. We'll see what happens!

Almost a Year Later

I can't believe it's been almost a year since we lost our baby. The anniversary of my d&c is on March 10. So much has happened since then, and yet so little. I'm still sitting here missing my baby and wishing getting pregnant wasn't so difficult for me when it's so easy for so many other people.  In the past year, 8 of my good friends had babies (and several other pregnancies), my sister-in-law had her 3rd baby, my grandfather passed away, I quit my job, my husband got a new job, we went to California, I had 2 HSGs, 1 hysteroscopy, 1 failed natural cycle, 2 failed medicated cycles, and 2 failed IUIs.

We decided to take the month of December off to enjoy the holidays. Part of me hoped this December would turn out the same way as the previous December, with a miraculous surprise pregnancy. But my body yet again forgot how to ovulate. I waited and waited and waited and AF never came. My RE put me on Prometrium which I've never tried before. Over two weeks later, just when I was giving up hope of it working, AF started.

In January, my RE gave me two options: a laparoscopy to get rid of my endometriosis followed by more aggressive meds which he didn't favor due to the risk of twins (on my small frame), or In-vitro. After debating for a long time, my husband and I decided that we wanted to start planning for IVF. But we also wanted to try just one more cycle more naturally - ok well not quite natural, still on Clomid and ovidrel (due to my body's forgetfulness on how to ovulate). We were going to do that this cycle. However, at my cd2 ovary scan, I found out I have a rather large cyst. Looks like I'm on birth control for the next month to get this under control.

I was annoyed but not too upset. I still had to do another HSG before IVF to make sure my uterus (and tubes) were clear. They were. But, it turns out that my uterus is abnormally shaped, either a septate uterus or bicornuate uterus. Almost a year after my miscarriage, we find out what quite possibly could have caused it. Upon seeing this, my RE tells me that I know really should do the laparoscopy next so he can fix the shape of my uterus thus allowing me to carry future babies.

So here I am, scheduled to fix the possible cause of my miscarriage exactly a week before the anniversary. I'm sad it's been a year and I still don't have a baby in my arms or even in my womb. But I feel really hopeful about the laparoscopy. For the first time in a year, I feel hopeful and excited! This past year was beyond difficult for me. But hopefully this next year will bring better things - maybe even a baby!

Biopsy Results from Hysteroscopy

On Friday, I had a nurse from my RE's office call to tell me the results from the biopsy done during my hysteroscopy. She said the stuff removed was "product of conception" and that the biopsy showed I had an infection called Endometritis. She said it's not a huge deal. I'll be on antibiotics for two weeks. Once my next cycle starts I will go back for another biopsy to see if the infection is gone. When it's gone, then we can start ttc again!

I don't know if it's somewhat common to have leftover placenta and "product of conception" 2 months after a d&c. But for some reason this really frustrated me. Part of me is mad at my OB for leaving it in there. Isn't that the purpose of a d&c, to get everything out??? I thought my OB was really good so I'm not sure why this happened. Perhaps it's common or perhaps she thought it was all out or whatever was left would come out on its own.  I've got an appointment with my RE on Tuesday so I'm planning on asking him his opinion.

I'm frustrated to have an infection. I feel like it's just one more thing. Every time I think I see the end, there's one more thing. I know this issue is not even a big deal, but it just got to me this weekend. My husband keeps telling me this is the last thing. But we've been saying that and there's always one more thing.

What I'm trying to focus on is the fact that I've already had 2 cycles since our miscarriage. Before I got pregnant I wasn't even ovulating on my own let alone getting a period. So that is encouraging.

Anyway, there's my little frustrated rant and I'm done now. I know this isn't that big of a deal at all and it'll all be over soon. :)