Next Steps

I haven't written much at all since November. I feel bad, but a break has been good. Plus, there hasn't been much to write about since then. We took the month of December off and then my body thought I was taking the month of January off as well because AF just wouldn't come. Then February I was forced to take a month off because of a cyst. Now it's March and I still have to take a month off to let my body heal from the laparoscopy. It's been nice to have a little mental break from all that comes with trying to get pregnant. But I hate having to wait.

The laparoscopy went really well. I don't feel like my recovery was that bad. Sure the day or two after wasn't fun but I expected that. My biggest complaint was the gas pains in my shoulder and not being able to wear anything but stretchy pants because my lower incision was tender.

Last week we had our post-op appointment and it went really well. My doctor is really hopeful for us. He got rid of my endometriosis, got rid of a few cysts, and fixed my uterus. He had given me a dvd of the surgery and it was really cool! He showed me my uterus, what was wrong with it, and then showed how he fixed it. It really helped me to understand what was going on. Basically, I had a section of my uterus that had a septum which has no blood flow. So he used scissors to snip away at it until he could see the blood start to flow. The reason why this is important is if a baby tried to implant there, it wouldn't get any blood flow and it would die. Thank goodness he was able to fix it!

When we were given our options back in January, he told us either IVF or a laparoscopy and injectibles. This time he told us that he really wants to give Clomid and Ovidrel with IUIs a couple more tries. He doesn't want to use injectibles because of the risk of multiples for my body. So that's the plan. Once AF comes we will proceed!

As much as I want a baby, I'm nervous about getting started ttc again. I'm not sure that I'm ready for the emotional (and hormonal) roller-coaster that goes along with it. But oh well, this time I'm going in with a little more hope. We'll see what happens!

Almost a Year Later

I can't believe it's been almost a year since we lost our baby. The anniversary of my d&c is on March 10. So much has happened since then, and yet so little. I'm still sitting here missing my baby and wishing getting pregnant wasn't so difficult for me when it's so easy for so many other people.  In the past year, 8 of my good friends had babies (and several other pregnancies), my sister-in-law had her 3rd baby, my grandfather passed away, I quit my job, my husband got a new job, we went to California, I had 2 HSGs, 1 hysteroscopy, 1 failed natural cycle, 2 failed medicated cycles, and 2 failed IUIs.

We decided to take the month of December off to enjoy the holidays. Part of me hoped this December would turn out the same way as the previous December, with a miraculous surprise pregnancy. But my body yet again forgot how to ovulate. I waited and waited and waited and AF never came. My RE put me on Prometrium which I've never tried before. Over two weeks later, just when I was giving up hope of it working, AF started.

In January, my RE gave me two options: a laparoscopy to get rid of my endometriosis followed by more aggressive meds which he didn't favor due to the risk of twins (on my small frame), or In-vitro. After debating for a long time, my husband and I decided that we wanted to start planning for IVF. But we also wanted to try just one more cycle more naturally - ok well not quite natural, still on Clomid and ovidrel (due to my body's forgetfulness on how to ovulate). We were going to do that this cycle. However, at my cd2 ovary scan, I found out I have a rather large cyst. Looks like I'm on birth control for the next month to get this under control.

I was annoyed but not too upset. I still had to do another HSG before IVF to make sure my uterus (and tubes) were clear. They were. But, it turns out that my uterus is abnormally shaped, either a septate uterus or bicornuate uterus. Almost a year after my miscarriage, we find out what quite possibly could have caused it. Upon seeing this, my RE tells me that I know really should do the laparoscopy next so he can fix the shape of my uterus thus allowing me to carry future babies.

So here I am, scheduled to fix the possible cause of my miscarriage exactly a week before the anniversary. I'm sad it's been a year and I still don't have a baby in my arms or even in my womb. But I feel really hopeful about the laparoscopy. For the first time in a year, I feel hopeful and excited! This past year was beyond difficult for me. But hopefully this next year will bring better things - maybe even a baby!

Relaxing - or Trying To

I've been a really bad blogger lately.

I know it helps a lot of people to write about what's going on. But for me, I'm trying to think of ttc stuff a little less. I'm trying to "relax" as much as possible.

I quit my job a couple of weeks ago. You may think I'd think of ttc stuff more now with all my free time. Instead, it's giving me more time to focus on the things I enjoy so I've spent less time dwelling on infertility.

Here's a quick update, I took 25mg Clomid this month instead of Femara. I had a MUCH better experience - no migraines! I took my Ovidrel shot yesterday so right now my ovaries feel like they're about to explode!

I'm not really looking forward to the 2 week wait but I'm trying to be hopeful of the outcome. We'll see! Hopefully this is our month!!!!